"Ice" Girls or "Dancing" Girls?

I know that there are some who laughed at the passion I had for my job as a St. Louis Blues Ice Girl. There was nothing glamorous about what we did. I mean, we scraped the ice while trying to stay out of the way of at least 10 large hockey players. Occasionally, they would forget about us and would take a swig of Gatorade as we were coming upon them and then spit it out. Sometimes it would hit us, more often it missed, but it was still gross. We squeegeed and shoveled snow that was full of blood, we held our breath as we skated by the guys who smelled of season long padding fungus. Nope, nothing glamorous there.

(Here's a photo of me with my shovel and my bucket.)

We wore respectable uniforms (that we all hated, I may add) that consisted of black pants (not so bad) and a women's size Blues jersey. I understand why they had us in the jersey, but man, it didn't do anything for our figures. First of all, its shiny. Shiny stuff always makes you look bigger than you really are. (Speaking of which, did anyone see the God Bless America singer at the All Star Game a few days ago? Where was her stylist?) Second of all, it had a giant Blue Note smack dab in the middle of our chest. Maybe that's good for the girls who needed a little help in that area, but it didn't do much for me.

Not that there were a lot of them, but the perks were nice. We got paid, occasionally got some free food, were able to get great seats to games for free (if they were available), had our picture taken with some fans, and people knew who we were. Sometimes they would get our names wrong (sorry sir, we are the Ice Girls, not the Snowcones...) but at least we were acknowledged.

Not this season. Nope. No longer at the Blues Organization will they have Ice Girls scraping the ice. Nope. This season, the Ice Girls will be more like dancers, game entertainment. Apparently, they will have some young hockey players scraping the ice while the girls get to do things more of a sexy nature.

I really don't have a problem with it. I am upset that my job no longer exists because it was fun to put my skates on three times a month and skate at STC. I am upset that the new Ice Girls don't need skating experience because I love skating and I have less dance experience than skating experience. I wish that it could be the way that I want it to be, but it's not. I'm learning to adapt.

I haven't decided yet if I'm going to try out. I mean, what in the world is it going to consist of? I do know that we need to wear "dance" clothes, meaning tight yoga pants and a midriff top. I know that there will be callbacks and I know that I need to give them $10 with my application, but what the heck are they going to make us do and who the heck is going to be there? Is this going to be a white trash convention or is it going to be a girl hockey convention like last year? I'll probably show up. I showed up last year and it was completely different than I thought, so what the heck. At least I will have my sister with me!

A Lesson of Life

I believe now, more than ever, that our attitudes about life and its circumstances really make a difference with our happiness in our daily life. I made a change in my life a few months ago to really start working on being more positive about life. I mean, no one likes to be around a whiner, right? I found that daily, I was just happier about things. Less agitated, less stressed, less headaches. I knew that this change in my life was going to stick because it was a change for the better and I liked it. It didn't matter to me if no one else in the world noticed anything, but I felt better about myself and that is what mattered to me.

For the past couple of months a childhood friend of mine knew that she was loosing her mom to cancer. It was a downward slope and all the family could do was standby and watch. She died last Monday. It has been tough on all of them-how could it not be?

But my friend, has has one of the most unique attitudes about her mom's sickness and death. A few weeks ago when I was over at the family house she told me that she was not sad that her mom was sick and dying upstairs. She said that she had the rest of her life to be sad about loosing her mom and right now, she was happy because her mom was there. Monday, when her mom died, it was a similar positive attitude that I heard from her and her dad. They were glad that she was not in pain any longer and knew that she left a wonderful legacy. Yes, they were sad for not having her around, but they knew that it was for the best.

I don't think that my words really express this positive attitude that she has had. But, I know that it is an amazing way to go through sickness and death. When the time comes for me to loose a parent or someone else that I love, I hope that I can go through the process with as much grace and positive attitude. It would be hard not to be lost in the devistation of it all. She has been a wonderful example to me-and my family. Her character is the character of her mother-what a wonderful testimony for her life and a wonderful way to remember her in this sad time.

Positive attitudes make all the difference. They help us get through our daily lives. Whether it is driving to work, school, or loosing a loved one. I am glad that I made a positive change in my life and now I know that the example of my friend will help me realize that it was the right thing to do.

Real Friends

Webster's dictionary defines friend as "one attached to another by affection or esteem."

I never thought about it until yesterday, but I think that "friends" is an over used word. Often, people use it when they should use acquaintance, classmate, co-worker, date...etc. I'm sure I'm guilty of it as well. Is that girl that I go to law school with and went out to a bar with that one time really a friend? No-I am not attached to her by affection or esteem. And sometimes there are people who are more than acquaintances but not quite a friend. What is the word for that?

I don't have many real friends. And, that's fine with me. I will take more if they come my way, and sometimes I am lonely, but my real friends are the truest and dearest people to my heart. I couldn't ask for anything more. They know what makes me tick, understand my expressions, and are the only people who can call me out on something and get away with it. Friends bring out our best qualities. I would do anything for my friends. I will drop whatever I am doing to help them with problems, put up with their crazy personalities....just because I am attached to them by affection or esteem.

Yesterday, I was reminded of true friendship. The kind of friendship when you know that you love that person so much, even if they piss you off, hurt you, drive you crazy....I was humbled by the love that my friend has for me. And, after pondering the friendship for over 24 hours, I am humbled by my love of that friend as well.

It may seem strange to others. The friendship that is. And the way that I spent my Saturday afternoon. (I guess it would only be strange if I told someone....) But, I honestly have not had a more perfect Saturday afternoon-or any afternoon for that matter-than I did yesterday. Vastly different from last weekend, from weather to emotions, it was refreshing and light. And while a part of me is sad of the past, the hope for the future with my friend brings tears to my eyes (and honestly, sends those tears cascading down my face). No words will ever express what those 5 or so hours did for me yesterday. It is a feeling that I will never be able to share with anyone except for maybe the friend with whom I shared my Saturday. That hopeful feeling and the feeling of our friendship carried me through today as well. My only hope is that they know how much they mean to me. (That's why I get so emotional about my friends...because they do mean so much.)

Yeah, friends is an over used word. Just somehow looses its meaning when you apply it to people who you aren't attached to by affection or esteem. After this weekend, I really understand what a friend is. Hopefully those people who are my friends understand how important that word really is....

...attached to by affection or esteem.

PS. Oliver made a new four legged friend this weekend, so he is happy too!

a tree of strength

How are insecurities born?
Do we bring it upon ourselves or is it others that are to blame?

I think that it would be easier to say that it is others that make insecurities, but really, I think that insecurities are created by us. Perhaps there are extrinsic circumstances that help mold the insecurities, but really, when it comes right down to it....it's our overworking minds and our drained hearts that create the life for insecurities.

How do we get our brains to look past the thoughts it creates? How do we fill up those drained hearts so that there is no room for a breeding ground of insecurity?

Find a strong tree, and lean on it.

Beware Pizza Dialing

Something happened to me last week that I am so embarrassed about. I don’t really ever get embarrassed, but this involved me, a phone call, and two really attractive police officers.

I kinda have a thing for men in uniforms. Generally, this applies to firemen. I don’t know…there’s something about a man with a hose surrounded by heat. I mean, it’s hot. But, the house wasn’t burning down, so here we were left with the police officers.

So, back to last week. There I am at home with my Bulmer’s Cider, direct from Ireland, and my home made wheat crust pizza with fresh mozzarella cheese and tons of veggies. I dial the phone and it doesn’t go through, just a few clicks. So, I hang it up and dial again. It works and I think nothing of the aforementioned clicks.

About 15ish minutes later the door bell rings. I hate when the doorbell rings that late, because I assume that someone got lost on their way to the hooker’s house or something happened at the hooker’s house and some stupid bloke needs to use my phone to call the cops. Nevertheless, I answer the door and standing there are two, very young, and very attractive police officers. Below is the conversation…
Hot Cop 1: “Mam, did you call 911?”
Me: “No”
Hot Cop 1: “Is everything ok?”
Me: “Yes”
Hot Cop 1 to 911 Dispatcher: “Can you give me that number again?”
911 Dispatcher: Says my phone number
Me: “Yeah, that’s me but I didn’t dial 911.”
SILENCE
Me: “Ummm….I dialed a 910 number and it didn’t go through. Did I dial 911 accidentally?”
Hot Cop 1: “Yes, mam, you did.”
Me: “Whoops.”
Hot Cop 2- oh, well he doesn’t say anything, he just stands there and smiles at me.
Me: “Whoops. I am really sorry, but it’s good to know that you guys are so speedy at coming out…whoops.”
Hot Cop 1: “No problem, mam. Good night.”
Me: “Thanks. Good night. Oh by the way, while you’re here, can you go get that hooker out of the neighborhood. She drives me crazy and besides, it’s illegal.”

Ok, so that last sentence about the hooker really didn’t happen. But I wish it did. Or maybe that would have been more embarrassing.

Yeah, so I dialed 911 accidentally. Oh my gosh, I can’t believe in the 10 million times I have dialed that 910 number I haven’t dialed 911. I will be more careful now.

Why am I embarrassed? No idea, really. But I felt like their time could have been better spent catching robbers or somehow protecting the streets instead of answering 911 calls from someone who had slipperly fingers from the pizza.

A Major Freakout

It happened last night...I had my first official freak out about law school. It felt like the weight of the world came crashing down on my shoulders. Yet, on the bright side, the major freak out happened halfway through my second semester. Not too bad.

So there I am, on the phone with one of the most supportive people in my life. And, although not positive when it comes to his own crisis', he is really positive about my life. He keeps feeding me optimistic, loving, supportive, and positive words trying to get me over the hump. Unfortunatly, it wasn't working. I was freaking out even more.

I think that I have had a few things bottled up inside. Maybe I don't have the proper outlet for my energy. I don't have girlfriends to Wild Wine with anymore-Sarah moved across the country and Allison is in Australia. Brittany is great, but our schedules are opposite and she is having a minor crisis' of her own right now. I don't have a boyfriend that I can come home to and vent or be excited with and although I am not complaining about it, maybe that's why I was getting a little upset on the phone last night. I don't get the rush that Sarah does from going to the gym. Maybe if I did, I would have great abs.

Law school is scary. Seriously. There are 10 thousand things to do. I don't have a job this summer anymore so I need to find one, I am not looking forward to summer classes, oral arguments are coming up and we don't even know what they really are, criminal law...well, it's criminal law, and there is a little over a month left of classes. It's all piling up!

So, I'm sorry for freaking out last night. But, I have those moments. Haven't had one in a while and wasn't even sure they still existed inside of me. But they do. I woke up feeling bad today about freaking out. But I guess it needs to happen sometimes. As long as I can keep those people around that continue to be positive about my life, the freak outs are sure to be few and far between.

A Few Tidbits....

There are a few things that I want to talk about, so maybe I will do both-briefly.

STL MARDI GRAS...

...is totally scary. This was the first year that I have not worked a Mardi Gras in Soulard in 6 years (yes, since I've been 21) and I decided that I was going to check it out. Fellow ex-Soulard employee and I trekked down there-in the SNOW! and wind gusts-so that we could stand inside a heated tent (still cold) and drink 32oz. beer out of a plastic cup which were going for $11 a pop. I can now honestly say that I would rather be working than attending.

SPRING TRAINING

I can almost smell the hot dogs and feel the sun on my face. Yep-that's right, folks. Pitchers and catchers reported a few days ago and everyone else reports tomorrow. This is the time of year when I feel like I am starting to come out of the gloom because I know that baseball season is just around the corner! We've acquired a few new boys, so it will be interesting to see them added to the mix. And as always, I will be keeping my fingers crossed in regards to our pitching-it always makes me so nervous! (On a sad, sorta off the subject note...Mike Matheny, has retired from baseball forever, after a powerful concussion from a 100mph ball got him...read about it here. He was an amazing catcher-one of my favorites. It will be nice to have him back in StL.)

It's My Movie

Valentines Day can be kinda poopy when you are single. You think about what may have been, about how its your fault that it isn't, about how in the movie inside your head, even if you are single, you are getting pretty flowers from somebody. Maybe you know who they are from and maybe they are from a secret admirer, but either way, flowers are great.

But, Valentines Day doesn't have to be poopy when you are single. Yesterday wasn't a romance movie, it was a chick flick about chicks who are really good friends. And sometimes those movies are better. (Although there was still a little bit of me that wanted flowers. From who? No idea.) I feel like my life should be a movie and as a friend pointed out to me the other day-maybe its just a different movie than what I originally thought I was going to see. But its still a movie-and it's a good one!

I looked pretty for my night out with the girls-I mean I was going on a date and needed to be pretty! I drank more than I should've but not enough to make me feel bad today. I ate what I wanted and didn't care (well, I usually do that anyways) but I didn't stuff myself. I listened to a band and laughed at their clothes. I visited with old friends, people I haven't seen in a while who have always been able to make me smile and who know what makes me happy. I visited with a new friend, who I think will be around for a while and with a friend who has been around for a long time and always will be.

At the end of the night, I still didn't have my flowers. But, I did get a haiku! True to form, Allison wrote me a wonderful "fridge-worthy" haiku that made me smile and feel special. For this movie, it was the perfect ending.